Thursday, October 18, 2012

1 Jason's NFL Power Rankings

By Jason McDonald

The Cream

1 Falcons

There’s nothing to see here, just the best team in the league getting it done for another week. They played a close game with the Raiders, but the Raiders remembered how to lose and pulled out a close loss at the last minute.

2 Ravens

The Ravens take over at two, but I can’t see them hanging onto with all the injuries. Ray Lewis and Lardarius Webb are out for the season. Suggs is out. Some say they’ll be better without Ray Lewis because he’s been pushed around a bit this season and it’s time for Jameel McClain to step up. I say without Lewis’ lunacy and medieval pregame rants, the defense could be forced to find a new identity.

3 Texans

They lost and looked bad doing it. Aaron Rodgers filleted and scorched the secondary, and fed them to B.J. Raji. They’re still one of the best teams in the league and will win the AFC South. But we previously didn’t see weakness in this team. Now we’re seeing a massive wound covered by a Band-Aid.

4 Bears

Jay Cutler had to cry by himself as the Bears had a bye.

5 Giants

The Giants beat the 49ers off the list and reminded everyone who the reigning champs are. The good Eli Manning has started showing up a little earlier this year and some say he might even start shaving before the season is over.


1 Jaguars

The Jags had a bye which means they got worse. Any week they don’t get a win means they get worse. Prediction: Shao Kahn is cleaning house at the end of the season

2 Chiefs

Brady Quinn is the starting quarterback for the Chiefs and the fans cheered for it. How bad does your team have to get to cheer for Brady Quinn to be the starter? They made the Bucs look like world beaters. There shouldn’t be much else that’s merits being number two in the stink.

3 Browns

They got a win, they got a win! This goes against my initial prediction that they’d go 0-16 and owner Jimmy Haslam would turn the team into a Pilot Gas Station. The team was paid a visit by vice-presidential candidate, Paul Ryan, this week. He mistook Colt McCoy for the starting quarterback, but it was pointed out to him later that Brandon Weeden is actually the starter. He made amends by assuring the 70-year old Weedon that he isn’t in any danger of losing his Social Security.

4 Raiders

Carson Palmer left the Bengals just in time. Had he stayed any longer he might have defied the logic that all USC quarterbacks are doomed for NFL mediocrity. The Raiders aren’t good (obviously since they’re here in the stink) but Carson Palmer has made them competitive. Even though they’re on the skid, there’s always the possibility that they could turn it around. (This is actually not true, the Raiders are terrible. I just feel the need to toss in some nuggets of optimism for fear that the insane homeless Raiders fan who threatened me when I was in Oakland will haunt my dreams.)

5 Titans

I almost gave the Titans a pass after beating the Steelers, but it’s going to take more than a field goal win over the Steelers to take you off the list. Kenny Britt helped to get the win, but almost helped to get the loss by having some big time drops. While Britt’s shaking off the rust, Kendell Wright appears to be a genuine threat who’s ready to step up to the plate. The bigger question is if the offensive line can keep Hasselbeck clean while Locker is on the mend.


  1. Somehow, I still see the Pats in the top 5, despite their record.



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